darling- siddhi jairath

February 14th 2018 was the day I fell in love with him, it’s cliché, but it’s true. It was about 4:30 in the morning, a chilly breeze frisked through the air, softly blowing in my white, translucent curtains as the night bled into day, the sun beaming with the faint glittering of stars still visible, I woke up to the mellow chords of a guitar softly strumming outside my window. With sudden butterflies emerging in my stomach, I looked up with hope in my eyes. ‘Could it be him?’ I thought to myself. I peered out from under my covers, wide awake with excitement as the mascara from the night before stained my pillows. The energy in the atmosphere was unexplainable, magical and comforting, something out of a rom-com.

I curiously sauntered towards my open window and peered out, the trees rustled as the fresh air softly blew leaving a trace of leaves behind. It was dim with nothing but the half-risen sun acting as a source of light. He stood there, Brandon, with his worn out guitar and strum with perfect rhythm and tempo.

“Hey Jude, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better” He sang with passion. I blushed with tears of happiness in my eyes. That was our song, it was playing the day we met. With the distance of about 30 feet between us, I felt closer to him than ever as he looked directly into my eyes while sweet words escaped his melodious voice. Everything about him was so perfect, his perfect smile with perfect teeth, his edged jawline and glistening eyes, his spontaneous personality and his gorgeous dressing sense, the way he knew all the right things to say and how he got so perfectly along with my family. I smiled as butterflies in my stomach once again came alive, I rushed downstairs and ran right into his arms, looking up at his face glimmering in the moonlight. ‘How could someone so perfect exist?’ I thought to myself. It was 5 in the morning and we spent the next hour or so walking around the neighborhood and watching the sunrise talking about whatever came to mind.

I first met him at the 2nd Avenue Subway Street park, it was January 4th 2018 and he immediately caught my attention. It was late, about 11:30 in the night, he was the only other person there. We both lay there, under an apple tree, 20 feet apart, I stared into the moonlight while catching small glimpses of him from the corner of my eye. He looked calm, peaceful, and I felt safe around. I looked at him and felt my pupils expand as I fell for him and his presence.

“Hey, I’m Brandon”, He whispered as he came closer. I stared in disbelief, he was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen.

“H-hi, I’m Hannah” I nervously replied. He softly chuckled, as I blushed.

The rest is history, we became inseparable, in love.

July 7 2018, Brandon fell to one knee and reached into the pocket of his suit, he pulled out a small box as I gasped in surprise.

“Hannah, These past few months have been incredible with you. Everything about you is perfect. Would you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

“YES! OF COURSE I WILL!” I yelled enthusiastically, an answer I would later regret.

September 17th 2018

I hid a knife under my pillow, had I made a mistake by marrying the man who seemed like a dream come true? I looked at myself in the mirror, a single tear streamed down my face, stinging the bruise around my eye. ‘He loves me.’ I convinced myself.

It had been just a few weeks since the incident until it happened again, my arms broken, at least he said sorry. I wiped away my tears, it’s okay, he isn’t always like this, he’s usually so kind, so nice.

December 4 2018

It happened again. It keeps getting worse.

i met this guy,

i think he likes me,

he’s so cute and kinda shy,

him looking at me, excites me

it’s been 3 months since then,

we’re now married and im finally his wife

I think i might’ve walked into the lion's den

march 17th, under my pillow, i place a knife

unsafe in my own house,

where i was promised safety,

he’s just a man and im just his spouse,

he loves me, of course he’ll keep me safely

it happened again,

he said he’s sorry,

my arms still broken,

what more can he do for me?

i turn to the blade, my guilty escape,

slice my arm, hoping the blood will evaporate

with every scar, i'm tired of playing charades

i wanna die, i want to start with a new slate

i run,

i hide,

i cry,

he stalks,

he seeks,

and slowly smiles,

“smile a little more”

he says with flowers in his hands,

with a dead look in my eyes,

i say im glad,

he’s just a man,

short-tempered,

he says he’ll change,

he can’t help it,

i take a deep breath,

and convince myself he loves me,

and go on to live another day.

after all, i'm his darling, with him, im free.

i think.

February 10th 2019

4:00 AM. We started arguing over the extra salt in his meal. He showed me a side of his I’d never seen before, a violent and wild side. Terrorizing. He grabbed my wrist and held me

captive, with anger in his eyes, his hand tightened around my wrist as I whimpered. I twisted my arm in an attempt to escape his clutch, I ran towards the knife hidden under my pillow to defend myself against his wild side. I yelled for help hoping our neighbors would listen. He ran towards me vexed, I pushed him towards the right, he fell and hit his head onto the wooden table. Unconscious, he lay there, not making a move. He didn’t wake up. Through the blur of tears, I inspected him further. I fell to the ground, he didn’t move or make a sound.

“911, What’s your emergency?”

It was around 7:00 AM when cops rushed into our house. Noticing the broken glass, chaos and scars all over my body, they looked sorry for me. I remember sitting at the police station, sobbing with a blanket over my shoulders and an untouched cup of coffee on the table in front of me. The previous sequence of events replayed in my head as the officers interrogated me.

14th February 2019

We were once again under the same apple tree on the 2nd Avenue street park once again, just 6 feet apart. He was at peace, 6 feet under, peace I will never achieve.